Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Thirty Two
I miss you.
I’ve graduated from high school.
I’ve graduated from college.
I’ve been hired.
I’ve been fired.
I’ve won awards and received recognition.
I’ve hated myself.
I’ve loved myself.
I became a wife.
I became a mother.
No matter what I’ve done, I’ve missed you through them all.
When my baby was born, I told him about you and cried.
I’ve missed you everyday for the past thirty two years.
I love you.
I miss you.
It Happened
I had wanted to,
and almost did,
but there was always something
holding me back.
Until last night.
I said it.
I told him, “I love you.”
And it wasn’t scary or hard to do.
It actually felt good.
So I said it again.
And felt even better.
Is It Love?
He said, “I love you.”
I said…nothing.
What I wanted to say was, “how do you know?”
When I think of love, I think of everlasting. Forever.
But life has taught me, and Dwight Yoakam has sang, that “forever is a promise no love can survive.”
So, I don’t think about love. I think about who I want to be with, who makes me happy.
And that is you. And I’ll be with you until you don’t want to be with me any more.
Unwanted
It wasn’t that long ago that
The thought of you brought
A flush to my cheeks and
Made my heart race.
Now the thought of you brings
Tears to my eyes and thoughts
Of unanswered texts and
Cancelled trips.
I know that when I was
With you, I was happy
But now I wonder if you
Ever felt the same.
Do our moments together
Mean less now that we’re
Not talking? Or can I still
Look back and smile?
What hurts the most isn’t
That we’re over, but that you
Just stopped wanting to see
Me and responding to me.
It took me awhile, but
Then I realized it wasn’t that
You were going through
A difficult time.
I was just unwanted.
In the End
I miss you.
I miss the way I felt when we were together.
What hurts now, is that our beginning is going to be left without an ending. The hardest part is not that we came to an end, but that we ended because you just pulled away.
Without a word.
I never got the chance to tell you that you broke my heart.
And that I still miss you.
And will be waiting for you, if you ever change your mind.
What They’re Saying
I watched the Oscars this year because Neil Patrick Harris was hosting. I didn’t see any of the movies nominated so I didn’t care one way or another who won. I wanted to be entertained, but I ended up being moved.
It’s 2015 and there is still a need for people to speak out for equality and acceptance. In what is supposed to be the leader of the free world, we are still struggling with these issues. We are not focused on solving problems like climate change and education; we are fighting for marriage equality and voter rights. Thankfully there are people who are willing to speak up, like these people did tonight.
Patricia Arquette: Best Supporting Actress, Boyhood
John Legend & Common: Performance, Glory
Maybe Next Time
One cop
One kid
One gun
One life lost
No indictment
No trial
No justice
No closure
Without due process we’re left with the questions of “why?” and “what if?”
The only answers we get are rumors and accusations
Maybe next time we will find the peace we’ve been lacking
Chasing Love
I’m not sure if I am impressed with the people who search for love in every face they meet, or if I feel sorry for them.
To believe in something so much and never give up is impressive. But is love so simple that it’s just a matter of looking hard enough for it? Do you have to see what love isn’t before you know what love is?
Maybe it’s the search for love that people fall in love with. They become addicted to the chases, the thrill of meeting someone new and anticipating the what-ifs. They crave the transformation of monotonous moments into exciting new experiences.
I wonder, though, if the chase ever starts to feel like a burden. To keep looking for love, all the while trying to force it with another new person.
And what happens to your heart every time you try to share its love with someone who isn’t “the one”? Does it make you better able to identify love or do you become numb to the process as a way to shield yourself from heartbreak?
What happens to love when you call something less than love, love?
Lonely
Despite what society and the movies have told me, it has never occurred to me that not getting married is the same as being lonely.
Growing up I assumed that I would meet someone, fall in love, and get married but, as the years went by, I ended up being the bridesmaid and never the bride. And while I sometimes thought it would be nice to have a plus one, I never felt like there was anything lacking in my life.
What bothers me the most is that finding happiness as a party of 1 is not socially acceptable. It’s not overtly condemned, but there’s a feeling just below the surface that if you’re not searching for someone, even if it’s just for a temporary fix, you are an oddity because true happiness can only be found if you’re part of a couple.
As someone who prefers to be alone, I find the notion that you need someone else to be happy odd. It’s also slightly offensive since I believe that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. If someone else is responsible for my happiness that means they can take it away. And that is not what I want. I want to own my happiness so that I can share it with, instead of get it from, other people.
My only point to this rant is that I’m tired of hearing that being alone is a sad, lonely place. I’ve never felt sad or lonely because I was on my own. If anything, it made me feel independent and free.
Once In A Lifetime
I never thought I’d be the girl who would want to hear sweet, loving words from a man.
I never thought I’d be the girl who wanted him near so that I could hold his hand and kiss his lips.
I never thought I’d be the girl who would smile when he said hello.
Yet here I am, after one chance meeting two months ago.
If I had been asked two months and one week ago who I wanted to meet, his name probably wouldn’t have crossed my lips. Nor would mine have crossed his. And yet, his name is the only one I have thought of since we met.
There isn’t a single trait or characteristic about him that I covet. More than anything else I just want to be next to him. I felt that way the instant I met him, and I still feel that way now. It is what I desire and long for. The closer I am to him, the happier I am.
Robin Williams
The most incredible thing to me about Robin Williams’ death is the reaction to it. From my friends, to random online posts, to comments by celebrities, I am struck by the common sentiment we have about losing him. It feels as though he was the same friend and influence on us all. That, more than anything else, I believe is a testament to the type entertainer he was. He knew how to pull us into his world.
It’s unfortunate that we could not pull him into ours so that he could see how much he meant to us.
#RIP Robin Williams. May peace be with you now.
Slow Turning 