Slow Turning

Like the song says, you can learn to live with love or without it

Losing It

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Last September I went down to San Diego for a weekend trip that included visiting a friend and attending a Keith Urban concert.  Lucky for me, my friend had a guest bedroom and bathroom, so I got to stay with her.

It was in the guest bathroom, that I saw my lifelong nemesis: a scale.  In a private moment behind a locked door, I made the decision to step onto the scale.  The number that stared back at me was like a slap in the face.  It wasn’t something that I could deny or hide under layers of clothes.

Upon my return home, I was thinking out loud (on the internet, of course), about needing to make a change and start losing weight.  A couple of people humored my postings and ended up being the push I needed to make a change.

So last October, I download the MyFitnessPal app, and started calorie counting.  I wasn’t sure that I could stay within the parameters of 1200 calories per day, but I knew I needed to at least try.  What I really wanted was to get an idea of how much I was eating and try to reduce it.

The biggest impact calorie counting has had on me is that I’ve started to listen to what my body likes, and especially what it doesn’t like.  I also give into cravings.  Last week was a cheat week for me. I ate tacos everyday and was probably closer to 1700 calories than 1200, but I don’t feel bad because I was satisfied with what I ate.  Which means, that I got to enjoy my splurge without derailing my desire and drive to continue to watch what I eat.

The best part is that it’s had an impact.  I spent the past four months not noticing the changes in my body, and one day, while I was trying to find something to wear, I discovered that I could fit into my old clothes.  Including an old bridesmaid dress that, at the time I bought it in late 2008, fit like a glove.  It was actually tighter than a glove, I could barely breathe in it.  And when I tried it on last week, it was loose.  Loose enough to move around in!

For as happy as I am with my progress, it is tempered knowing that where I’m at now, is roughly where I as in 2008 when I started my weight gain.  It has been impossible for me to reconcile the two different feelings I have about being the same size. If I can continue to lose weight, it probably won’t matter, but for now, the only way I can describe it is, odd.

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Written by rachel

February 23, 2014 at 11:48 pm

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