Slow Turning

Like the song says, you can learn to live with love or without it

What if happy isn’t enough?

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Oprah was really popular when I was growing up, which means that I probably watched too many episodes about putting me first, taking care of me, and how not to forget about me.  I don’t remember much about them but I’m guessing based on my selfish attitude and choices, the themes have stayed with me.  This is especially true about the idea that happiness is the journey, not the destination.

It is so much apart of me that I made up this quote during my Senior year of high school and signed it in everyone’s yearbooks:  Smile through it all and you’ll have great memories.  My latest quote, created a couple of years ago: What if happy is the greatest you can be?

Living a happy life is probably what I’ve worked the hardest to achieve.  I smile and laugh almost every day and have learned to enjoy life’s moments.  Not that I don’t have times when I’m moody and miserable but I bounce back and all is right in the world again.

That’s what has made the past few months uncomfortable.  It’s probably something that has been building for the past decade or so but has really started to surface recently.  I have a feeling that I just can’t shake, no matter how happy I am.  This past weekend I identified it as being unfulfilled.  There is something missing from my life, but I don’t know what it is.  The longer that I go without, the more lost I feel and the most desperate I become to find it.

I always thought that if I could find ways to be happy that I would enjoy my life so, being at this crossroads, I’m confounded as to what to do next.  There’s a list of things that I think I should do, but deep down somewhere inside, I can admit that I have become bored with the monotony of my adult life.  I’m not sure if this is just a phase based on what I’m going through, if it’s a mid-life crisis, or if it’s something else.  The only thing I do know is that I don’t know.

(if this was a TV show, this is the part where you would see: To Be Continued…)

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Written by rachel

February 11, 2013 at 3:33 pm

Posted in Life

Tagged with , , , ,

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