Slow Turning

Like the song says, you can learn to live with love or without it

Wish Me Away

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I watched Wish Me Away, the documentary about Chely Wight’s coming out, because she is one of my favorite singers.  I’ve been a fan since she was singing about A Sea of Cowboy Hats and Listenin’ to the Radio.

At its core, it is a heartfelt documentary about one person’s struggle to accept herself as a gay woman.  However, what I took away from it, more than the struggles of coming out, was the struggle that someone goes through when they don’t like themselves.

As a fan, I see Chely as beautiful and talented.  I absolutely love her voice and can’t imagine how you cannot be moved when you hear her sing.  To see her struggle left me speechless.  I see the finished product of hit songs and magazine covers that make me think she’s perfect.  Her life must be perfect.  But then she opens the curtain and behind it there isn’t perfection.  There’s doubt and despair.  There’s family and friends.  There’s the day-to-day of just getting up and making it through.

O.M.G…she’s just like me!

I’m not gay, but I am Asian and grew up in a small town that had a predominantly Caucasian and Mexican population.  For the most part, it wasn’t a big deal.  My family and friends never seemed to care and when someone did make fun of me, my friends would always stick up for me.  However, I didn’t escape unscathed.  While I never felt unloved, I never felt beautiful.  I never had the perfect body, or the perfect nose or the perfect blue eyes and blond hair.  I’m short, fairly round, and have black hair and dark brown eyes.  I also have really big, crooked teeth.

My insecurity has been kept healthy by a lack of dates, boyfriends, and an overall lack of interest from men in general.  I don’t feel much better when I look in the mirror or scroll through pictures.  I only feel better when I am not thinking about myself.  I become downright happy and let go of my insecurities when I can think about anything and everything that is not me.

So for me, Wish Me Away isn’t just about the struggle of being gay.  It’s the struggle of learning to accept myself as I am.  When I can do that, then so can others.  Any maybe, just maybe, others see me better than I see myself.

Here’s one of my favorite Chely songs:

 

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Written by rachel

December 3, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Posted in Life

Tagged with ,

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